i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
