I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
