My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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