I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
