also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
