I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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