my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
