i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she smelled like a LAN party
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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