am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
