It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
