Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
