I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
