i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
