I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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