I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
