Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
