worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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