never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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