They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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