people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
