well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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