So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
