So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
