everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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