I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
