I'm gonna have a badass scar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
