Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
