so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
