I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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