thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
