Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
