you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
