I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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