and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
