Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
