Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
