Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
