i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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