Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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