it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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