at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
