butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
