i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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