i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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