Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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