And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Randomize
