That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
