Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
