The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
