I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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