Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
