I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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