I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
