While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
