If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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