Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
