I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
