But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
