So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im holly from the hills drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
