I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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