I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
