look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
