Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
