ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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