The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
