He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
