Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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