that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize