What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize